Note ! Identities and subject matter have been edited for the sake of privacy and clarity.

Thanks again for the recent song.

On the very cold and dark morning, in more ways than one, February 13, 1996 at 5:30 am in the morning, I had awakened to go to the GBMC hospital to have two deep tumors removed from the left side under my facial nerve and one just under my left ear. There was a possibility that I would lose my facial nerve and the left side of my face would permanently droop. 

My closest walk with the Lord was when I needed Him the most. I, like anyone else, do not like trials, especially because of the hurt involved and the loneliness I experienced in feeling that I was alone and having to deal with them myself; however, it was at that time by remaining faithful and humble, I experienced a true intimate relationship with the Lord and He was faithful to show me that He was/is truly my Friend that I could count on Him in any trial or circumstance.   

I was very alone. I was wrongfully removed from my home for 7 months by a Protective Order conjured up by my former wife, a nurse and her devious lawyer the previous August. She lied to the court in an Ex Parte (one party) hearing. Found out later that she fell in “love’ with one of her medical professionals at work and had to get rid of me by using the one-sided domestic violence female favoring law to get rid of me before I found out.  

 I had moved into my sister’s apartment that August of 1995. She, was more like a mother than a sister since she had practically raised me from the time I was 10 to age 18. There was no mother at home and my father spent most of his, time mostly on weekends, living with his girlfriend many miles away. Since my sister worked an 8-hour job, I left an empty house for school in the morning and came home to an empty house in the afternoon from the time I was 10 to the time I was 18. This was the time when the spirit of Loneliness and Abandonment was rooted in my mind and soul.  

My son was in college and my wife had alienated my 18-year-old daughter from me. ( PAS (Parent Alienation Syndrome). My sister with ongoing mental problems was on her psych. meds and not too responsive at times. That December, I had gotten in a wrong (sin) relationship with a woman at a Messianic Congregation. There was no intimate sexual activity with this woman, who happened to be married but separated and visiting here from California. The tumors were discovered in early January. These were supernatural tumors because God allowed them as a wake-up call for me in that I was in a wrong sin relationship in keeping company with a married woman. I found out later from the doctor that these 2 tumors take about 5 years to develop. One tumor was discovered initially the previous month in early January; however the other tumor developed in less than 2 weeks from the first MRI to the 2nd MRI. It was at that time I realized that the Lord allowed these tumors as a wake-up call to repent from this sin, Deut. 28:15 So after counseling with the leadership at the congregation, I repented and broke off the relationship with the woman that second week in January. (Who forgives all of my iniquities (sins) and heals all of my diseases Psalm 103)  

That cold February morning I was scared to say the least because the only way to know if the tumors were malignant was to remove them and test them for malignancy. Well, as I was driving to GBMC, that very cold and dark morning, I was thinking, Lord why am I going through this? I never in my life felt so alone and scared and how am I going to handle this if those tumors are malignant I turned on the car radio to WRBS and the first song to come on was (click on) Don Moen's " Be Strong and Courageous .” This song helped somewhat; however, I did not at that time, realize that the Lord had his eyes on me and was encouraging me. I arrived at the hospital about 6:00 am to fill out the pre-surgical papers for the 7:00 AM surgery. I brought my compact KJV bible to read while I was waiting. Before I opened the bible, I was praying, Lord you’ve got to help me in this, I feel so alone and there is no one to love me or help me through this. I randomly opened the bible and the very first page saw was Joshua 1: 6,7 and the words “ “Be strong and of a good courage: for unto this people shalt thou divide for an inheritance the land, which I sware unto their fathers to give them. Only be thou strong and very courageous, that thou mayest observe to do according to all the law, which Moses my servant commanded thee: turn not from it to the right hand or to the left, that thou mayest prosper whithersoever thou goest.” . . .  

It was at that time, between the song on the radio Be strong and of a good courage a half-hour earlier and the first opened and first read Holy Spirited coordination of the Scriptures, the source of the song that I realized, since there are no so-called human coincidences in a believers life but only Holy Spirited coordinations in that " All things work together for the good to them that love God and to them that are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28) that the Lord was tuned into my prayer and he was helping to resist the spirit of Loneliness.

 I was called into the pre-surgery cubicle room to change into my surgical gown. There were about at least 10 to 15 cubicles of people preparing for the operating rooms. It looked like an assembly line. In every cubicle, there were relatives in the cubicle seeming to encourage their loved ones. Seeing this did not help my feeling of being alone and unloved and on top of that my E&T Doctor was passing by my cubicle, looked in and said “Oh you did not bring anyone with you and continued on.  

That did it! I just hung my head and the tears started flowing and I prayed to the Lord. Lord please help me, I can’t handle this alone. Well it was at that time the Lord spoke to me in my mind and said “Fear not, I am always with you.: Did I not say I would never leave you or forsake you? Deut 31:6 It was at that time that this overwhelming Peace of the Lord and assurance settled into my mind soul and spirit. Phil. 4:7 I was spiritually awakened to the presence of the Lord with His reassurance that I was in His Presence and in His Hand and that I could trust Him that whatever came about, he would work everything out according to His will. It was at that time that the spirit of Loneliness that I carried most of my life had left me forever and I understood that it was not human relationships that I could depend on, but the only True relationship I could depend on was my personal eternal relationship with Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior after being born again by His water and Spirit. John 3; 1-8

I was wheeled into the surgery room and placed on the operating table. The two OR nurses were busy hooking me up for the operation. One nurse commented to me and said you seem very relaxed and don’t to appear to be anxious about this operation at all, I smiled and said to myself and may have said it to her, I am in the Lord’s hands. Proverbs 3:5-6 Just before the Anesthesiologist gave me a needle, I, with much confidence and trust in Lord knowing that He was in control, prayed to the Lord: “Lord, I am in your hands and I trust in you and peacefully fell asleep. As it turned out the tumors were not malignant and I did not lose my facial nerve.

So lady, this event embedded the fear of the Lord into my heart, realizing the association of how sin, sickness trials (physical and spiritual ) and repentance with its healing are so related to each other as so amply written in the Scriptures and how the Lord rewarded me for this knowledge by letting me know that He is aware of every moment in my and others’ lives - at least for those who remain faithful and obedient to His word. I am thankful to have had this experience because it certainly increased my love, trust, and relationship with the Lord. So, whenever the spirit of Loneliness tries to enter my mind, I think back to this incident and trial and know truly that my Lord Jesus Christ is only a thought and prayer away to comfort me in my time of need.

I wanted to send to you the You tube Be Strong and Courageous like you send me your favorites but I do not know-how. So just click on Don Moen Be Strong and Take Courage and read Joshua 1: 1-9 and Psalm 103

Joshua 1:9 Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goes.

Note! when you click on Don Moen Be Strong and Take Courage continue to listen to the sequence of songs that follow for additional encouragement  

Blessings ed (& truth)